Faye.

‘Have a good day honey’ she said. And as soon as he left, as soon as the front door closed behind him it’s like she breathed for the first time in weeks. The air changed, it wasn’t chilly anymore and her shoulders weren’t tense. He is gone for the day.

My mum’s boyfriend is a no.1 asshole. She met him when I was 5 years old. She went out one day to the pub with her friend Sally and came home with him. He had been living with us ever since.
I used to have blonde ringlets, they were so cute, like beauty pageant cute. He didn’t think they were cute, he hated them. He hated me, a constant reminder that the woman he was with had been with another man before him. He tells me to ‘go away’, ‘go upstairs’, ‘get out of my way’, ‘fuck off’. He gave it a few weeks before the abuse started, have to get her hooked right? Have to make her fall in love so there’s less chance of her leaving.
To begin with my mum was shocked, she had of course shouted at me before but we had been on our own for so long after my dad left, that nobody else had. She asked him not to speak to me like that, reminding him I was so young and I was no bother. Which of course made him angrier. He would shout louder and stand over her.
My mum doesn’t have a confrontational bone in her body, she would back away from him and put her hand out for me to hold and we would stand their together. Her looking at him and me looking up at her. Then he would apologise and everything would be okay for a few days.
It was just words at the start, an angry man saying angry things but after around 6 months he changed and would become physical. I didn’t see it but I heard it. After being sent upstairs I would hear them arguing and then came the punches, so loud, the first time I heard it I actually jumped. I would sit across from my mum the next morning, me enjoying a bowl of cereal, her putting concealer on her bruises.
And that’s been our story for the last 8 years. It’s been worse since he’s been laid off. He used to work in construction but since the building company went bust he’s found it difficult to find work so everyday he’s at home. He’s there when I leave for school and there when I come, just with more cans of lager at his feet.
Not today though, today he was helping his man with a van friend do some odd jobs around the town and with his earnings would no doubt end the day in the pub. It would be one of those evenings, I knew it and my mum knew it but at least he was out of the house now.
It’s the first day of half term and I’m not looking forward to the week ahead.

There’s a knock on the door and it startles both of us. Had he forgotten his key? Why was he back already?
My mum unlocked and opened the door slowly. I watched her face for a sign it was him, she smiled. ‘Come in, come in’ she said, ‘Quickly before anybody see’s’.
The lady spoke with an accent; I don’t know where she’s from but she sounds like a nice person. She comes over to me and sits down so she’s at my eye level. ‘Hello Faye’ she says smiling ‘I’ve heard a lot about you’.
I can hear my mum heading upstairs like she’s in a hurry, I can hear her going in cupboards and from room to room. I don’t know what’s going on. ‘It’s okay’ the lady says, ‘your mum will be down any minute’.
My mum’s making so must noise, she’s banging around as she’s coming down the stairs. She walks back into view with 2 suitcases and says ‘Faye get your school books, pencil case, put them in here’ and she hands me my backpack from on the back of the sofa. ‘Why?’ I ask her. Her and the lady are talking between them about turning find my friends off on her phone and does she have all her identification documents, bank documents, important letters, not to leave anything here.
I ask my mum again ‘What’s going on?’ but again she doesn’t answer. She’s rushing around now, panicking like she’s running out of time.
The lady puts her hands on my mum’s shoulders, calming her and she says ‘You’re going to be okay’. My mum takes a breath and looks over at me. She smiles. She smiles like I haven’t seen her smile in years. ‘We’re going to be okay’.
‘We should go’ the lady says, picking up a suitcase. My mum’s grab’s the other one and they both head to the door. I follow with my backpack, still unsure what we are doing. Once outside the lady unlocks her car and opens the boot for the suitcases and the back door for me, ‘quickly Faye’ my mum says as she locks our front door behind her before joining us in the car. ‘How far to the refuge?’ she asks the lady.

Photo by Jules Marchioni