Darcy.

She was never very good at self motivation. She’d have her moments, like a Monday morning or New Years Day, straight after she’d stared at herself in the mirror for a good 20 minutes or in the shower grabbing her ‘chubby bits’.
She loved that shit, all the hope and possibility in a new start. But she’d only last a couple of days in her new state of mind, a week if she had something to focus on everyday, a job ticked off her list or a new item of clothing that made her feel all sparkly and new.
She’d have her ups, where she’d write notes to herself for when she was down, or take photos of outfits she felt amazing in, her true self and style captured in a picture but they just wouldn’t have the desired effect looking back.
She was too hard on herself. She’d tell herself to do something, like get out of bed early on a day off and go for a run, running being something she’d wanted to be able to just ‘do’ for years. She saw herself as a runner, as a lot of things, a morning smoothie maker, a focused and successful writer, the owner of a bar on a beautiful beach. She saw these things in her future, as who she is going to be, who she hopes to be.
But when the time came she just couldn’t drag herself out of bed. And then she’d sleep in, feeling disappointed in herself and the rest of the day would follow suit. She’d put things into her body that she said she wouldn’t, opting for chocolate over fruit or more coffee over green tea. And she’d hate on herself for it and throw the rest of her resolutions out the window. She watched films instead of writing stories, telling herself it was inspiring her.
Social media didn’t help. She saw all these beautiful women, thin women with tanned skin living the hedonistic life she wished she’d had. Women younger than her who knew who they were as teenagers and worked for their dreams.
It wasn’t that she thought she couldn’t do these things. She’d seen the power she held inside, the magic of positivity and putting out into the universe what you want to get back. That’s what was so frustrating to her, she knew if she put the time in she could do anything. She just had to put the time in. And never stop putting the time in. She had to motivate herself to do that.

Photo by Jordan Whitfield